Being a mum can be incredible but also really really difficult and I don’t think enough people talk about how difficult it can be. A lot of mums often just show the happy side of parenting but inside they can be struggling.
It started for me with getting Isaac into a sleep routine because I was struggling so much with sleep deprivation. I pretty much stayed in the house for three weeks trying to get him in a ‘good routine’ but what I didn’t realise was that being in the house that much seriously started to affect my mind.
After the first week of not going out the house I went out with my friends. When I got back I felt incredibly guilty for being without Isaac for 5 hours and had a massive cry. Please know it’s ok to be away from your baby and that time on your own is so important. Your baby is incredibly important but so is your mental health and sometimes you need to have time on your own whether it’s to nip to the shops or a 10 minute bath to chill out.
On Friday I had another breakdown about how I looked because I didn’t fit in any of my clothes pre pregnancy and wanted to look nice to go out with my boyfriend. I literally just cried trying clothes on at home and then went to buy something new and cried more in the changing room because I didn’t like how I looked. Please know it’s completely normal to take time for you to fit into clothes you wore before you had a baby. Your body has gone through a massive change.
Finally on Sunday I had the worst breakdown yet. I was looking after Isaac when Max went out and I tried to get him to go to sleep for 5 hours with no avail. During that time I had fed him multiple times, given him a bottle because I didn’t think I was producing enough milk and rocked, swayed and sang my heart out to try and get him to sleep. None of it worked and he was well overtired. I was far too overtired too. I started having horrible thoughts that I was failing as a mum because I couldn’t even get my tired baby to go to sleep. I wanted to leave the house because I couldn’t deal with him crying. I even started having suicidal thoughts. THAT is how horrible sleep deprivation can get. Please know if you go through something similar you need to speak to someone about how you feel. Call someone straight away if you feel like that! It’s absolutely fine to make sure your baby is safe in their cot and go to get a coffee for five minutes on your own. You can then try again once you have had a minute away to calm down. You need to contact a family member to help with the baby and get some sleep yourself so you feel better.
Whether it’s body image, sleep deprivation or a feeling that your not doing enough for your baby please try to open up to your family to let them know how you are. To bottle up your feelings can be disastrous and it really does help when you talk about how you are feeling. It’s ok not to be ok! It’s also absolutely fine to admit that you need a bit of help.
Your mental health is so important as your baby can pick up on how you are feeling. Sometimes mums and dads need a break from parent duty. A trip outside to the shop on your own, a programme when the baby is asleep, a bath to chill out or even a coffee for five minutes to relax. Remember that you are important too and you need to be looked after as well as the baby as it can be draining.
Can’t thank my boyfriend and sister enough for being there when I got into a bad mental place. If anyone else is going through a bad time please feel free to message me and know your not on your own!